Monday, October 29, 2007

Zombie Awareness Week

As the Halloween season is upon us, there is no better time than now to raise awareness and educate the public about the deadly menace know as: Zombies.

What exactly are Zombies?

A Zombie is an undead person. A living dead. Or, alternatively, a life-impaired.

How to Identify a Zombie:

How are Zombies created or how does one become a Zombie?

There are two ways to become a Zombie:

1. A bokor, the Haitian word for sorcerer, captures a victim's ti bon ange, or the part of the soul directly connected to an individual, to create a zombie. This is usually done with Zombie Powder. Zombie Powder is a complex mixture that includes, but is not limited to, tetrodotoxin (found in Puffer fish), Marine Toad, Tree Frog, and human remains.

A law condemning zombie creation went into effect in Haiti in 1835 [ref]. Article 246 of the Haitian Penal Code classifies the administration of a substance that creates a prolonged period of lethargy without causing death as attempted murder. If the substance causes the appearance of death and results in the burial of the victim, the act is classified as murder.
ref: “How Zombies Work”

2. During a Zombie encounter, a bite wound is inflicted. This is a good news/bad news situation—Good news—he didn’t get your brain. Bad news—you have 30 seconds to 1 month before you too are Living Impaired and in search of human brain food stuffs. So, you've been bitten. That weird guy in the trench coat at the bus stop bit a lot of people before he staggered onto the bus.The big question is, is it a Zombie bite?

There are no laws currently protecting the public from Zombie Bites.

What is being done to protect us against the threat of Zombies?

Fight the Bite!

Federal Vampire and Zombie Agency

National Center for Reanimation Prevention and Control

Elite Zombie Hunting Squad

What can I do to protect myself against Zombies?

Over the course of the week, you will learn more about the threat of Zombies and how to protect yourself against a Zombie Invasion. In the event you encounter a Zombie before you are fully prepared—employ the following methods of protection:


Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed during Zombie Awareness Week are not necessarily those of the author, Brooke Taylor, and should not be used as evidence of her political position in the ongoing Zombie v Unicorn debate.

Disclaimer: It is not the intention of the Zombie Awareness Week to provide specific medical advice, but rather to provide the public with information to better understand their health and their diagnosed disorders. You are urged to consult with a qualified physician for diagnosis and for answers to your personal questions.


Jill Monroe said...

Am I the only one who thinks that teenagers fit a lot of the zombie criteria?

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

burning zombies is a HORRIBLE IDEA!!!!

honestly, if you are being chased by a zombie and you stop to light him on fire, the only thing you will accomplish is a flaming zombie chasing you! human flesh doesnt exactly burn as fast as gasoline people.

burning is only good if you are in an airplane, dropping an incendiary bomb on an infected city.

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